25/05/2018

So I've had a horrible horrible May!

At least weight wise I have!

So I had all these goals and I've stuck to none of them!

Goals to others inspire and help to me they just make me flop. I don't know if this is a me thing or others find it too... but never mind, I'm not upset and I'm going to talk about why.

In late September when I started I was umming and arhing about if I was going to bother starting weightwatchers, I hadn't had my birthday then there was bonfire night then all the Christmas stuff! But, I thought at worse there would be a couple of pounds off which I wouldn't have off in the first place. So I went. I lost a ton of weight in that time and always always I was looking on a weekly bases of what I could do rather then the long game because I wasn't planning on it working until Christmas, so I was concentrating on what I could do there and then.

I also realised how hard I've been on myself of late and I don't think that's helping.

I was walking home with Yasmine and Joseph  on Wednesday and we live up a really steep bank. It was hot I was pushing the pram and I felt my asthma start, it should be no surprise the pollen was out I have hayfever and one of the things which sets off my asthma is pollen. So I get to a point and I feel so weak I can't push the pram, Yasmine notices and pushes the pram for me until we get to a bit of greenery just a couple of streets down from ours but we can sit for a minute and it gave me the chance to take my inhaler.

Me July 1st of last year and me today

Whenever I went to my asthma check up or whatever they would point to my weight as being "the factor" in having it, so much so that I haven't been to an asthma check up in years, I got sick of hearing it and at the time actually I didn't believe them that my weight had an adverse effect on my asthma, I had it for years before I was overweight and it was  the same. But as we were getting to that greenery I was just about walking it out and I remember thinking "I'm fat, I'm fat and thats the reason why I'm having an asthma attack." And I really got really upset about it because I felt as though I had been working so hard at loosing weight, the last month has been awful in loosing anything and I was low, very low almost at the point of tears, because in that moment, inside my head if I looked down I would look like I did the end of September last year. Thats how this thought caught me. Then I looked down. And I realised, that actually no, I was not at the same point I was in September of last year. Heck the summer of last year. I am not in the same place, and you know something all last summer I didn't have an asthma attack. My asthma like everything else in me is effected by my weight, I'm not going to sit here and lie about the effects your weight can have on serious conditions like asthma, but I am not asthmatic because of my weight, but my weight if not monitored and brought down may one day have an adverse effect on my asthma.


So the last couple of weeks as you can see have been hard, my weight has been up and down my current stone mark like a yoyo, I'm not even kidding. Its my ladies time of the month so I'm naturally retaining a lot more... Last week I was at Yasmine's assembly at school, so I didn't get weighed in.

So on wards ever onwards, I will do this... I think I have the hang of the summer eating and I'm going to talk about that as well on this blog (not on this post but definitely on the blog)

I can and I will!